becoming increasingly cynical. its a mixture of consciously living a life that isn’t the life i want to live, becoming more self-aware as well as more globally aware. the trash, the violence, the injustice. the addictions. i wonder if i came to a place of peace within my own self, if i would see more hope in the world around me. i once had this drive to live in a healing community, to be part of this subculture of health and identity empowerists; the gypsies, the healers, the magicians and believers… but when i met the cliff, i couldn’t jump, so i turned back and became a pessimistic anarchist, dissatisfied with the world, the people and the culture i found there. spouting off about social justice. equal rights. cultural diversity. defense of the land. defense of the indigenous. endlessly critical of all that makes up the world in which i exist. massacre after massacre. slavery. product.
its like the rat that found her way out of the cage—liberated too soon perhaps, because upon witnessing the world without bars, she turned back. safety. family, friends, familiarity: seduction: the bars of the mind and body. forever imprisoned by choice.